Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
love makes seman taste better
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
