i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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