if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
