I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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