apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
