i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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