your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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