apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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