i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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