you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
