3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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