I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
