You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
