I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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