i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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