We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
