I want to have your abortion
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
