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sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
