Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
