as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
