mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
