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On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
