she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
