that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
