and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Holy sore nipples Batman
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
