I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
