Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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