Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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