I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
