In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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