I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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