Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
