I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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