What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
