when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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