Michael Bay diarrhea
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
