i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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