There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
