I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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