R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
