can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
