If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
