Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Quick, to the slutcave!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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