please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
