He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
be right there i have to get my cape
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
