I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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