im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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