And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
God, I missed his penis.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
