i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
