on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
