just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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