dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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