What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just blew my weed a kiss
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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